If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
