If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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