just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
