So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
