i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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