just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
