she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
