She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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