i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
