ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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