i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
