I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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