Where did you get a picture of my penis
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
