we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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