oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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