You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
