honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
