Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
