I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
