Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize