a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My Sexting was not on an AP level
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
