You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
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