I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
