ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
