don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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