Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Actions speak louder than pants.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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