The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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