so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Found the puke drawer
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
