You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
barbara walters just said penis...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
