Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
