i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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