Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
