I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
