Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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