hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
