I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
