mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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