Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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