i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just gift wrapped bread.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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