I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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