If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
