if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I need a burrito and a hug.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
A+ Viking dick
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
