Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
