Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
