I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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