I'd wear matching sweaters with you
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
