What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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