does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
