so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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