I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
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we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
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For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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