yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think I died a long time ago.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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