Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
