She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
