It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
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I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
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Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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