I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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