so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I have post one night stand depression
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