I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
