hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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