i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
