At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
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We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
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Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Randomize