Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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