Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
