Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
one might say we're banned from that church
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
