yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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