He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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