she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
