I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
