Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
