hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
