So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
