sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
