I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
