if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
