Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
