I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
