Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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