The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
