I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's just like the Real World with babies
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
