I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Help. Why am I so naked?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
