I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't deserve a penis
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
