Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
