i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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