i need an iv and a liver transplant
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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