Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
