My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
