And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
