When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
